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A few jokes of mine

An old one from about 1970. Well no in fact - I've found it is from 'A Mathematicians Miscellany' by Littlewood which was published in 1953. Oh well I would have liked to have made it up. ;-)

Teacher: Now suppose the number of sheep is x....

Student: yes I see that okay, but what happens when the number of sheep is not x?

About 2010 I think

Maniac drivers going at speed are accidents waiting to happen!
The less time I spend on the road the less chance I have of meeting one of them.
So I always drive as fast as possible whenever I have to get anywhere,